Does the very phrase BDSM conjure perverse torture chambers, where individuals in weird leather outfits skulk in the shadows, tying each other up, and administering corporal punishment? And if an activity requires the partners to agree on a ‘safe word’ in case things go too far, this surely indicates activities that should be avoided in the first place? The truth is, the BDSM community relishes passionate, consensual sexual acts, and there are many aspects of ‘lite BDSM’ that would be fabulous for your own sex life!
What do you know about bdsm dating? Is it something you’ve never been curious about because of the reputation kinky sex has? There are multiple reasons you might want to try adding some BDSM elements in your life.
- The Benefits of BDSM for Your Relationship
If you and your partner are interested in dabbling in the dark but stimulating world of bondage, dominance, submission, and masochism, an excellent starting point would be appreciating common fetishes. Surveys have revealed that what might seem like a niche area of interest is much more commonplace than you might imagine, with 40% of women and upwards of 60% of men stating they have fantasized about dominating or being dominated by, their partner. Be aware of the underlying causes of this sort of sexuality – at the end of the day, there is nothing perverse about it, and it can form a perfectly natural aspect of a couple’s love life. It would make sense to try to destigmatize BDSM and place this behavior in perspective.
The key aspect of BDSM is that it is consensual, and is essentially about role-playing. The activities are known as ‘scenes,’ and these require pre-planning, as anything that might involve elements of being constrained, spanked, or willingly accepting a subservient role that might involve punishment, need to have strict parameters. In the throes of passion, it is possible for red lines to be approached, particularly where the pain is being administered, so it is crucial to know what these boundaries are and respect them. But for all that BDSM or ‘kink’ might seem a considerable departure from ‘vanilla’ sex, it can bring couples closer together, as they learn deep levels of implicit trust.
- Light BDSM elements will build trust in your relationship
An obvious starting point might be some light bondage. In any BDSM scene, the individuals will agree on who takes the dominant role, and who plays the part of the submissive. This could involve a degree of restraining. In more intense versions of BDSM, this ‘dom’ and ‘sub’ dynamic can involve binding and gagging, but if you’re only looking to ‘dip in’, the dom might just want to secure the sub by subtly secured knots. You could also choose to employ handcuffs purchased from a sex shop or the likes of Ann Summers online catalog, and these can frivolous, lined with pink fur rather than studs, to ensure the emphasis remains on light-hearted fun.
- Advice for beginner couples
If you can get your head around the far end of the scale, you’ll be in a better position to enjoy relatively harmless BDSM. Fetishism is probably something you would only drift towards after spending a lot of time developing your tastes. Defined as a sexual fixation on a nonliving object or nongenital body part, this might involve being sexually turned on by feet, or smoking, on even inanimate objects (there have been extreme cases of people undergoing ‘marriage ceremonies’ with medieval bridges!) Experimenting with the harmless side of fetishism, such as stroking a partner’s feet or sucking their toes could introduce a risque aspect to your sexual contact!
